That moment after

I wish I had had better friends. I wish they hadn't bothered me that much for being so naive. I wish they would have seen that I was younger and that I never really understood what they were doing... what I was doing. I wish they had known better so I would avoid being sexually abused by them. I wish people had had more patience to tell me what experimenting sexuality was and that it wasn't wrong, but it wasn't the right time either.
I wish my parents weren't poor at that time and all the love I needed, I would get from them.
I asked God for answers. He said:
"You see, we all have boxes in our minds. Each box is marked with a 'What I know about...' and we would put our experiences in those boxes and tag them. There would be one with 'What I know about relationships' 'What I know about myself' 'What I know about school' and so one. Our experience makes us fill those boxes. But then, there are moments that we are hit by fatalities. And if no one tells us what was it that we experienced or even try to teach us something after the experience, our box will be filled with something that shouldn't be there.
Your boxes of What I know about 'myself', 'others' and 'relationships' were all filled with something that shouldn't be there, something caused by a series of unfortunate events that you shouldn't have gone through but did.
So now, when you see such fundamental concepts that you had as true for you entire life just falling apart, you can't help questioning everything you have ever lived. As if a layer had been put out of your sight, and now you can see. As if you were exiled for ages and then just thrown in the middle of NYC. First, you question if anything that you had lived was real. Then, you question who is it that you are, because there was something that was definetely different in you that should have have triggered the realisation. And finally, where is it that do you from now? Do you change? Do you stay there, go, disappear, live, die?
The truth is that right now you are resignifying every single relationship you've had. Specially with yourself. "

So I asked him:
Why now? Why here?

He said:
Because you want to be better. But first you have to realise how good you are. And now I think you're starting to get it.

I said:
By accepting that I was victimised and realising the absurd of what was done to me...

He interrupted me:
You will learn how to be more of yourself. This is where you self-realisation journey begins. These are the blank pages you'd been asking me for. Enjoy.