Goodbye

Dear Adam,

As far as I feel, it seems this is going to be the last letter I will write to you. It might seem that I wrote 3 - the book, the first letter and this one - but there are so many more that you might get to read one day.

These last couple of days I found myself thinking about my great-grandparents and my great-grandmother's funeral. I remember looking at my grandpa's eyes and seeing that life had vanished from him - like he had just lost the reason he was alive, his purpose

And thinking about it today made me realise how I should and will be with someone that will understand love as much as he did. 

I was talking to a friend and he was talking about how people get into relationship for the status that comes with it. Dating a hot guy, a rich guy, a foreigner, an exotic guy. I see Canadian guys at bars looking at  pictures discussing guys' abs and eyes' color. How is it that people came to that? How is it that I didn't get to be like that?

I figured that with time I would eventually come to those terms: people just want sex, relationships are not good, they all have expiration dates. I think I would just be a guy that would settle with the one guy that seems more convenient, there wouldn't be much of that falling in love and it would be fine because deep inside I would understand that that feeling was the real one.

Unfortunately, the exact opposite seems to be happening. More and more I see myself as a person that is going to be true to his heart, that is going to commit to one person and be devoted to this person, doing everything I can to be happy next to him.

At some point I believe it's better if I accept it than to keep on avoiding it, getting drunk now and then and meeting people I have no interest in. 

I don't know why I want to tell you this. It's not about saying anything related to you. I just trust you and out of all people I've know it seems you could understand this. Respond to this in a sincere way.

More and more I think, as much as I nurture caring feelings for you, that "we" is just not going to happen. There's too much scepticism between what we could have. But it is ok.

You're going to be happy, so will I, and I will always be grateful for having the chance of experiencing what I did with you. I felt like I hadn't felt in years and I have you to thank for that.

Whenever I think of you, I will think of a man of love and caring that deserves nothing but the best anyone can give, and at some point it doesn't feel it me - not that it isn't but you just wouldn't commit to the idea of me being that person to you.

I will always carry you in my heart, and I still hope we'll keep in touch. I will never get over you, but at this point, I have to move on. 

And I wish for me and for you that we'll find the man of our dreams. The one we will say: My love for you has only one expiration date: my own. 

All the best,
Leo