Sheperd's Bush Lullaby
The one you say goodnight to
Call your girlfriend
Ho Hey
Move in the Right direction
When I think about you I touch myself
A thousand years
California Dreaming - Johnny Rivers
Born to die
All you want - dido
Come here - before sunrise
Spell - Alphabeat
The greatest
Metal heart
Everybody's gotta learn sometimes
Kate Nash - Nicest thing
All I want for Christmas is you
Macy Gray - I try
Marina and the diamonds - I am not a robot
Natalie Imbruglia - torn
O anjo mais velho
Falling Slowly
hey there delilah
Toothpaste kisses
Take care
You da one
The man who can't be moved
There's a light that never goes out
Be my honeypie
Soneto de fidelidade
Young blood
Everytime you need me
I wanna love you forever
Little Bit
Time flies
What a difference a day makes
Blue moon
terça-feira, 30 de outubro de 2012
segunda-feira, 29 de outubro de 2012
Ultimate love letter
I'm sorry I'm going over boundaries here - maybe I'll sound just too much, but I'll try not to be too dramatic.
The hurricane news kind of freaked me out. The first thing I felt the urgency to do was to send you that message and make sure you were all right. And believe me, I would not hesitate to go there to make sure you were okay.
Ever since the day I got back to Toronto, there hasn't been one single day that I didn't think of you - and we've met twice. I think you are an incredible person because you were great with me. I remember that when I recognized you I felt incredibly nervous. And then I wished that you would be alone for a while so I could talk to you and so you did. I remember that you looked genuinely happy to see me.
I remember we didn't have to make any kind of small talk. We talked about movies, music and then you were also very gentle when you kissed me. And then there was a silence. Also about kisses, it was incredibly cute when your foot went up when I kissed you by your doorstep.
When it came to you listening to me, it felt great talking to somenone that didn't look like he was judging me for opening up right in the first time we met. Because even if my life has been filled with unfortunate events, they made me the man I am today and that is not a reason to be ashamed or even hide. You seemed to have understood that.
As far as I remember, sex was amazing and there's not much I wanted to describe here - because I prefer to count on the opportunity to repeat that.
And then there was this conversation we had in the bar about the fact that we'd met before. Firstly because I tend not to talk about those kind of beliefs on dates because most people wouldn't understand. But then you mentioned it.
I watched Cloud Atlas this weekend and I must tell you that I thought about that conversation a lot and I think it would be amazing if you did too because we could even talk about it.
The point is, even if I listed all the reasons why I find you so great, even if I try to justify on the supposed fact that our souls met before, I did think about you every day.
Right now, I just want to make sure you're safe and happy and say I think about the moment we'll see each other again a lot.
I love your taste in music, films, food, weed, parties. I love how we had such an awesome first song and that you got me the poster of our first film, the way you showed to care about the fact that we shared special feelings towards each other and that continue sharing these interests and feelings was fun and felt good.
My goal with this suprisingly long letter is to let you know how much I like you, trying not to seem like a person that doesn't know what he is talking about. Because it is important for me that you understand I'm not some kind of freak - but a genuinely sensitive guy that likes you a lot and sometimes ends up doing too much to show he cares.
I could only ask for your patience and that you stay around, keeping me posted, sometimes having our fun chats and keep on being caring the way we've had.
I hope you have a good week enjoyng the movies and the great company of friends.
Love,
Leo
The hurricane news kind of freaked me out. The first thing I felt the urgency to do was to send you that message and make sure you were all right. And believe me, I would not hesitate to go there to make sure you were okay.
Ever since the day I got back to Toronto, there hasn't been one single day that I didn't think of you - and we've met twice. I think you are an incredible person because you were great with me. I remember that when I recognized you I felt incredibly nervous. And then I wished that you would be alone for a while so I could talk to you and so you did. I remember that you looked genuinely happy to see me.
I remember we didn't have to make any kind of small talk. We talked about movies, music and then you were also very gentle when you kissed me. And then there was a silence. Also about kisses, it was incredibly cute when your foot went up when I kissed you by your doorstep.
When it came to you listening to me, it felt great talking to somenone that didn't look like he was judging me for opening up right in the first time we met. Because even if my life has been filled with unfortunate events, they made me the man I am today and that is not a reason to be ashamed or even hide. You seemed to have understood that.
As far as I remember, sex was amazing and there's not much I wanted to describe here - because I prefer to count on the opportunity to repeat that.
And then there was this conversation we had in the bar about the fact that we'd met before. Firstly because I tend not to talk about those kind of beliefs on dates because most people wouldn't understand. But then you mentioned it.
I watched Cloud Atlas this weekend and I must tell you that I thought about that conversation a lot and I think it would be amazing if you did too because we could even talk about it.
The point is, even if I listed all the reasons why I find you so great, even if I try to justify on the supposed fact that our souls met before, I did think about you every day.
Right now, I just want to make sure you're safe and happy and say I think about the moment we'll see each other again a lot.
I love your taste in music, films, food, weed, parties. I love how we had such an awesome first song and that you got me the poster of our first film, the way you showed to care about the fact that we shared special feelings towards each other and that continue sharing these interests and feelings was fun and felt good.
My goal with this suprisingly long letter is to let you know how much I like you, trying not to seem like a person that doesn't know what he is talking about. Because it is important for me that you understand I'm not some kind of freak - but a genuinely sensitive guy that likes you a lot and sometimes ends up doing too much to show he cares.
I could only ask for your patience and that you stay around, keeping me posted, sometimes having our fun chats and keep on being caring the way we've had.
I hope you have a good week enjoyng the movies and the great company of friends.
Love,
Leo
domingo, 28 de outubro de 2012
Carta
I'm sorry I'm going over boundaries here - maybe I'll sound just too much, but I'll try not to be too dramatic.
The hurricane news kind of freaked me out. The first thing I felt the urgency to do was to send you that message and make sure you were all right. And believe me, I would not hesitate to go there to make sure you were okay.
Ever since the day I got back to Toronto, there hasn't been one single day that I didn't think of you - and we've met twice. I think you are an incredible person because you were great with me. I remember that when I recognized you I felt incredibly nervous. And then I wished that you would be alone for a while so I could talk to you and so you did. I remember that you looked genuinely happy to see me.
I remember we didn't have to make any kind of small talk. We talked about movies, music and then you were also very gentle when you kissed me. And then there was a silence. Also about kisses, it was incredibly cute when your foot went up when I kissed you by your doorstep.
When it came to you listening to me, it felt great talking to somenone that didn't look like he was judging me for opening up right in the first time we met. Because even if my life has been filled with unfortunate events, they made me the man I am today and that is not a reason to be ashamed or even hide. You seemed to have understood that.
As far as I remember, sex was amazing and there's not much I wanted to describe here - because I prefer to count on the opportunity to repeat that.
And then there was this conversation we had in the bar about the fact that we'd met before. Firstly because I tend not to talk about those kind of beliefs on dates because most people wouldn't understand. But then you mentioned it.
I watched Cloud Atlas this weekend and I must tell you that I thought about that conversation a lot and I think it would be amazing if you did too because we could even talk about it.
The point is, even if I listed all the reasons why I find you so great, even if I try to justify on the supposed fact that our souls met before, I did think about you every day.
Right now, I just want to make sure you're safe and happy and say I think about the moment we'll see each other again a lot.
I love your taste in music, films, food, weed, parties. I love how we had such an awesome first song and that you got me the poster of our first film, the way you showed to care about the fact that we shared special feelings towards each other and that continue sharing these interests and feelings was fun and felt good.
My goal with this suprisingly long letter is to let you know how much I like you, trying not to seem like a person that doesn't know what he is talking about. Because it is important for me that you understand I'm not some kind of freak - but a genuinely sensitive guy that likes you a lot and sometimes ends up doing too much to show he cares.
I could only ask for your patience and that you stay around, keeping me posted, sometimes having our fun chats and keep on being caring the way we've had.
I hope you have a good week enjoyng the movies and the great company of friends.
Love,
Leo
The hurricane news kind of freaked me out. The first thing I felt the urgency to do was to send you that message and make sure you were all right. And believe me, I would not hesitate to go there to make sure you were okay.
Ever since the day I got back to Toronto, there hasn't been one single day that I didn't think of you - and we've met twice. I think you are an incredible person because you were great with me. I remember that when I recognized you I felt incredibly nervous. And then I wished that you would be alone for a while so I could talk to you and so you did. I remember that you looked genuinely happy to see me.
I remember we didn't have to make any kind of small talk. We talked about movies, music and then you were also very gentle when you kissed me. And then there was a silence. Also about kisses, it was incredibly cute when your foot went up when I kissed you by your doorstep.
When it came to you listening to me, it felt great talking to somenone that didn't look like he was judging me for opening up right in the first time we met. Because even if my life has been filled with unfortunate events, they made me the man I am today and that is not a reason to be ashamed or even hide. You seemed to have understood that.
As far as I remember, sex was amazing and there's not much I wanted to describe here - because I prefer to count on the opportunity to repeat that.
And then there was this conversation we had in the bar about the fact that we'd met before. Firstly because I tend not to talk about those kind of beliefs on dates because most people wouldn't understand. But then you mentioned it.
I watched Cloud Atlas this weekend and I must tell you that I thought about that conversation a lot and I think it would be amazing if you did too because we could even talk about it.
The point is, even if I listed all the reasons why I find you so great, even if I try to justify on the supposed fact that our souls met before, I did think about you every day.
Right now, I just want to make sure you're safe and happy and say I think about the moment we'll see each other again a lot.
I love your taste in music, films, food, weed, parties. I love how we had such an awesome first song and that you got me the poster of our first film, the way you showed to care about the fact that we shared special feelings towards each other and that continue sharing these interests and feelings was fun and felt good.
My goal with this suprisingly long letter is to let you know how much I like you, trying not to seem like a person that doesn't know what he is talking about. Because it is important for me that you understand I'm not some kind of freak - but a genuinely sensitive guy that likes you a lot and sometimes ends up doing too much to show he cares.
I could only ask for your patience and that you stay around, keeping me posted, sometimes having our fun chats and keep on being caring the way we've had.
I hope you have a good week enjoyng the movies and the great company of friends.
Love,
Leo
quarta-feira, 24 de outubro de 2012
Change
Dear loved ones,
I hereby declare: we are never stuck. Any situation or condition can be changed, it all depends on our efforts. Great efforts bring great results.
But change isn't something easy to achieve, specially when there are alternative ways. Luckily, for me, changing was never an option. By the time I felt I needed to change, it was either changing or dying because I was sick of it all.
When nothing else seemed to make me want to be alive, I decided to change. And getting to the rock bottom was important because there was nothing to look back to. And there's another important thing about changing. Once the decision is made, the past is gone, and there's only moving forward.
The days I felt weak were the worse. The ones I saw how useless my efforts were being, how it was all just a dream. But on those days, I just kept on going. Even if I didn't believe in anything, I kept on going, and that was it day after day.
I, that for days and days thought would never set feet on Canandian ground, am 2 weeks from my departure back to Brazil - 22 weeks have passed since the beginning of my stay in Toronto. I, that was always the chubby guy, the fat guy, am today in my best shape so far and it feels great. I, that never thought could be good at something, got 96% of approval among my students.
In Toronto and NYC, I partied, enjoyed, laughed, cried, got drunk, got high, loved, got broken hearted, got stressed, depressed, blown away. I struggled with the past and tried to plan my future.
I found out that none of the worst scenarios I had seen myself were true. I saw that being happy is possible and that people that tend to be melancholic, as myself, will never be able to foresee what happiness feels like. You got to go there and feel it.
Beucase then you'll understand that there is so much more than the achieving the final goal. It's everything we see in between. It's everything we learn. From grocery shopping for yourself until admiring the love of a family from a country you don't really know how to locate on a map. How humans behave differently, how we love differently, how we are more alike than different. There are so many things to describe that the only thing to do is to recommend: go somewhere else than the places you've seen.
I've changed. And it's scary to be coming back. There's no way to know what I'll face, how things will change or even what I'm going to do.
Life has never been so unpredictable and fragile. But also, for the first time, it feels that, whatever it is that my life turns out to be, it will only be a reflection of my wishes and my efforts.
You should try it whenever you feel like it.
I hereby declare: we are never stuck. Any situation or condition can be changed, it all depends on our efforts. Great efforts bring great results.
But change isn't something easy to achieve, specially when there are alternative ways. Luckily, for me, changing was never an option. By the time I felt I needed to change, it was either changing or dying because I was sick of it all.
When nothing else seemed to make me want to be alive, I decided to change. And getting to the rock bottom was important because there was nothing to look back to. And there's another important thing about changing. Once the decision is made, the past is gone, and there's only moving forward.
The days I felt weak were the worse. The ones I saw how useless my efforts were being, how it was all just a dream. But on those days, I just kept on going. Even if I didn't believe in anything, I kept on going, and that was it day after day.
I, that for days and days thought would never set feet on Canandian ground, am 2 weeks from my departure back to Brazil - 22 weeks have passed since the beginning of my stay in Toronto. I, that was always the chubby guy, the fat guy, am today in my best shape so far and it feels great. I, that never thought could be good at something, got 96% of approval among my students.
In Toronto and NYC, I partied, enjoyed, laughed, cried, got drunk, got high, loved, got broken hearted, got stressed, depressed, blown away. I struggled with the past and tried to plan my future.
I found out that none of the worst scenarios I had seen myself were true. I saw that being happy is possible and that people that tend to be melancholic, as myself, will never be able to foresee what happiness feels like. You got to go there and feel it.
Beucase then you'll understand that there is so much more than the achieving the final goal. It's everything we see in between. It's everything we learn. From grocery shopping for yourself until admiring the love of a family from a country you don't really know how to locate on a map. How humans behave differently, how we love differently, how we are more alike than different. There are so many things to describe that the only thing to do is to recommend: go somewhere else than the places you've seen.
I've changed. And it's scary to be coming back. There's no way to know what I'll face, how things will change or even what I'm going to do.
Life has never been so unpredictable and fragile. But also, for the first time, it feels that, whatever it is that my life turns out to be, it will only be a reflection of my wishes and my efforts.
You should try it whenever you feel like it.
domingo, 21 de outubro de 2012
Guided by the light
While I was growing up, there was always this feeling that everything was old.
Every story had been told, every good music composed, every great story of overcoming challenges was already written. It seemed there was no space for creativity, for what is new, from this generation. As if this generation had nothing to bring to the world. We were merely reproductions of previous more interesting stories.
But there is something we keep forgetting. Time changes. It changes people, it changes the history, time changes everything and challenges everyone. And then there are the ties.
Everyone is born with ties. Ties from the place you were born, the family you were born in, the experiences that you've experience which you had no control over. All of these ties influence the way you see the world, the way you interact with it and at some point everyone has got to be faced with their ties.
It is important to identify them, to know them and then work to let them loose. For none of those ties define who you are and it is up to you to let them affect you, to let them weaken you, to allow them to say who you are, just because of the things you went through.
I came here looking for something that I didn't know exactly what it was. I'm still not sure if I do. But I did find a lot about my ties. The ones that keep me down, the ones that try to stop me.
And now I know that everything that happened, is happening and will happen will change me. It will teach me, and I shall be guided by the light.
Every story had been told, every good music composed, every great story of overcoming challenges was already written. It seemed there was no space for creativity, for what is new, from this generation. As if this generation had nothing to bring to the world. We were merely reproductions of previous more interesting stories.
But there is something we keep forgetting. Time changes. It changes people, it changes the history, time changes everything and challenges everyone. And then there are the ties.
Everyone is born with ties. Ties from the place you were born, the family you were born in, the experiences that you've experience which you had no control over. All of these ties influence the way you see the world, the way you interact with it and at some point everyone has got to be faced with their ties.
It is important to identify them, to know them and then work to let them loose. For none of those ties define who you are and it is up to you to let them affect you, to let them weaken you, to allow them to say who you are, just because of the things you went through.
I came here looking for something that I didn't know exactly what it was. I'm still not sure if I do. But I did find a lot about my ties. The ones that keep me down, the ones that try to stop me.
And now I know that everything that happened, is happening and will happen will change me. It will teach me, and I shall be guided by the light.
sexta-feira, 19 de outubro de 2012
What would you do?
I think about the days you will fall sick.
I think about when you'll be looking like a train ran over you, and you're winny and rolled into your blanket, because it's so cold.
I will get home and take care of you. And the same would happen the other way around.
Can you see the beauty there is when you decide to devote to someone?
I think about when you'll be looking like a train ran over you, and you're winny and rolled into your blanket, because it's so cold.
I will get home and take care of you. And the same would happen the other way around.
Can you see the beauty there is when you decide to devote to someone?
quarta-feira, 17 de outubro de 2012
Mimimi
I wish I knew.
Not much, but something.
There's this limbo feeling that I don't feel part of where I am, nor part of where I'm going.
I think I'm different and I don't wanna have to deal with the people back home.
But I don't think I wanna stay here either.
What the fuck do I want?
Not much, but something.
There's this limbo feeling that I don't feel part of where I am, nor part of where I'm going.
I think I'm different and I don't wanna have to deal with the people back home.
But I don't think I wanna stay here either.
What the fuck do I want?
Missing love
I miss being loved. Feeling that that person and you live a love that is only yours to live.
I miss the inside jokes and the tenderness of having company at night.
I miss having adventures and discovering things together.
I miss being innocent and letting go.
I miss crying because I'm sad, cooking because I want to make a surprise, be surprised in the middle of the day with an invitation for lunch.
I miss being with someone...
I miss the inside jokes and the tenderness of having company at night.
I miss having adventures and discovering things together.
I miss being innocent and letting go.
I miss crying because I'm sad, cooking because I want to make a surprise, be surprised in the middle of the day with an invitation for lunch.
I miss being with someone...
quarta-feira, 10 de outubro de 2012
Time
As I walk towards the end of a journey, I watch the first signs of the birth of the new one - and I acknowledge I'm scared, or I'm trying to avoid it.
I don't know why is it that I keep on trying to put new goals ahead of me, how I try to lose the focus and walk on a side track, different from what I'd settled as my next step.
I must say, I've been having a blast in Canada. Meeting nice people, being successful at work, experiencing things I never thought I would and everything is richer than I thought it would be.
Maybe I just don't believe things could be this good if I decide to do what I want to. But then I question myself: how come? I fought for your exchange course and here you are, doing it, finishing it. You went to NYC, you got a job in a HUGE school withouth even asking for it, people you never thought would ever look at you now send you messages talking about how sexy you are.
At some point, I want to bitch slap myself and say: Wake up and realize how big you've become, how far you've come and only with your own efforts.
And imagine how far you can go now. See how far you want to go and walk towards it.
You saw that people studying filmmaking in Toronto are not more or less than you are, they are just in a different place. You'll have the same classes, the same material, there's no much difference to that.
You can be big, Leo. Trust!
I don't know why is it that I keep on trying to put new goals ahead of me, how I try to lose the focus and walk on a side track, different from what I'd settled as my next step.
I must say, I've been having a blast in Canada. Meeting nice people, being successful at work, experiencing things I never thought I would and everything is richer than I thought it would be.
Maybe I just don't believe things could be this good if I decide to do what I want to. But then I question myself: how come? I fought for your exchange course and here you are, doing it, finishing it. You went to NYC, you got a job in a HUGE school withouth even asking for it, people you never thought would ever look at you now send you messages talking about how sexy you are.
At some point, I want to bitch slap myself and say: Wake up and realize how big you've become, how far you've come and only with your own efforts.
And imagine how far you can go now. See how far you want to go and walk towards it.
You saw that people studying filmmaking in Toronto are not more or less than you are, they are just in a different place. You'll have the same classes, the same material, there's no much difference to that.
You can be big, Leo. Trust!
domingo, 7 de outubro de 2012
Quotes
The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special and then suddenly leaves you hanging and you have to act like you don't care at all
Distance means so little when someone means so much
Next time when a stranger talks to me when I'm alone I'll look at them shocked and just whisper quietly: you can see me?
Distance means so little when someone means so much
Next time when a stranger talks to me when I'm alone I'll look at them shocked and just whisper quietly: you can see me?
sexta-feira, 5 de outubro de 2012
Life
Accept that life is a journey.
That there is no way back, but there are tons of roads you could take and it might turn itself around - you might even end where you started.
Accept that you might be more than you think you are.
Realize that your past might have changed and molded you, but your daily attitudes are the ones that define who you are.
Stop thinking that life is bad. Life is what you make of it and how you see it. Can't you see? If the accomplishments you've reached so far don't tell you that you are good, then you're better dead.
You can kill yourself faster than any evil. But you strive to be the best, and you have been succcessful so far, and you have to see it.
Right now, another journey is coming to an end, and another one is starting.
Don't feel sorry for the ending, enjoy everything you want to, register it and move on. Remember that what you've just gone through was amazing and that you might want to go back.
Now Leo, live. Live the life you know you are supposed to be, let go of the Leo you used to be and keep on becoming.
That there is no way back, but there are tons of roads you could take and it might turn itself around - you might even end where you started.
Accept that you might be more than you think you are.
Realize that your past might have changed and molded you, but your daily attitudes are the ones that define who you are.
Stop thinking that life is bad. Life is what you make of it and how you see it. Can't you see? If the accomplishments you've reached so far don't tell you that you are good, then you're better dead.
You can kill yourself faster than any evil. But you strive to be the best, and you have been succcessful so far, and you have to see it.
Right now, another journey is coming to an end, and another one is starting.
Don't feel sorry for the ending, enjoy everything you want to, register it and move on. Remember that what you've just gone through was amazing and that you might want to go back.
Now Leo, live. Live the life you know you are supposed to be, let go of the Leo you used to be and keep on becoming.
quinta-feira, 4 de outubro de 2012
One thing
Then there's the thing about me.
My own cycle. The one that overcomes old cycles. The one that is curious enough to only stop searching once he finds what he was looking for.
One that can dance in the middle of war, that can laugh through a field of bullets, one that is happy, innocent and kind. Who strives to be selfless and his good self.
=)
My own cycle. The one that overcomes old cycles. The one that is curious enough to only stop searching once he finds what he was looking for.
One that can dance in the middle of war, that can laugh through a field of bullets, one that is happy, innocent and kind. Who strives to be selfless and his good self.
=)
The victim syndrom and the self sabotage
Even if I know that what I went through was hard, I just realized that I've put so much importance to it up until the fact I let it define who I am.
I just saw myself putting me in the position of the humilliated, used guy that has never taken stand for something he wanted, a guy that never thought for what he wanted to accomplish. I diminished my life and my accomplishments and I have no idea whatsoever why.
Lately, I've been acting as if everything is wrong while if you ask me exactly what is it that is wrong, I wouldn't be able to give you an answer.
PAUSE - GOOGLE SEARCH - SELF SABOTAGE
I've always thought we weren't born to be happy, we were born to work and to survive, because poor people couldn't afford happiness.
I nevver tried to break this because I never trusted myself, never trusted that I could be good in something, always thought I was average or unworthy of the success, maybe because I grew up hearing to the fact the we weren't born for that.
And then I remember my mother taking me to places to be a singer or an actor and we could neve achieve those and my parents got so frustrated and I just thought they were thinking "won't he ever quit and just live real life?"
Actually that was how they acted with all of us 3 kids. Being a singer, a dancer or a filmmaker was a phase that would pass as soon as they felt the weight of adult responsibility on their shoulders.
As I've seen myself so unworthy of the success, my entire life would go around trying to achieve it and always getting close, but never close enough. And that has been the battle I like to fight every day.
I know what I want for my life but I grew up hearing and seeing that I wasn't good enough for it and that my life would be summed up into only trying it.
I force myself into trying and trying only. Now that things are going to change, now that I'm supposed to go back to Brazil, I wonder what is it that I should do when the steps were all clear - next stop, filmmaking. I'm avoiding the fact that the time has finally come. The time to bet on myself on my first light, the thing I named the most important of my life - filmmaking.
Leo, you've known all along, now it's time to do it... so do it. You know what camera to buy, right?
Remember this text:
A armadilha da auto-sabotagem
:: Bel Cesar ::
Há momentos da vida que reconhecemos que estamos prontos para dar um novo salto, para efetivar uma mudança profunda. Nos lançamos num novo empreendimento, numa nova relação afetiva, mudamos de cidade e até mesmo de apelido. Mas, aos poucos, nós nos pegamos fazendo os mesmos erros de nossa vida passada. É como se tivéssemos dado um grande salto para cair no mesmo buraco. Caímos em armadilhas criadas por nós mesmos. Nos auto-sabotamos. Isso ocorre porque, apesar de querermos mudar, nosso inconsciente ainda não nos permitiu mudar!
Em nosso íntimo, escutamos e obedecemos, sem nos darmos conta, ordens de nosso inconsciente geradas por frases que escutamos inúmeras vezes quando ainda éramos crianças. Toda família tem as suas. Por exemplo: Não fale com estranhos é uma clássica. Como a nossa mente foi programada para não falar com estranhos, cada vez que conhecemos uma nova pessoa nos sentimos ameaçados. Uma parte de nosso cérebro nos diz abra-se e a outra adverte cuidado.
Num primeiro momento, o desafio em si é encorajador, por isso nos atiramos em novas experiências e estamos dispostos a enfrentar os preconceitos. No entanto, quando surgem as primeiras dificuldades que fazem com que nos sintamos incapazes de lidar com esse novo empreendimento, percebemos em nós a presença desta parte inconsciente que discordava que nos arriscássemos em mudar de atitude: Bem que eu já sabia que falar com estranhos era perigoso.
Cada vez que desconfiamos de nossa capacidade de superar obstáculos, cultivamos um sentimento de covardia interior que bloqueia nossas emoções e nos paralisa. Muitas vezes, o medo da mudança é maior do que a força para mudar. Por isso, enquanto nos auto-iludirmos com soluções irreais e tivermos resistência em rever nossos erros e aprender com eles, estaremos bloqueados. Desta forma, a preguiça e o orgulho serão expressões de auto-sabotagem, isto é, de nosso medo de mudar.
Dificilmente percebemos que nos auto-sabotamos. Nós nos auto-iludimos quando não lidamos diretamente com nosso problema raiz.
A auto-ilusão é um jogo da mente que busca uma solução imediata para um conflito, ou seja, um modo de se adaptar a uma situação dolorosa, porém que não represente uma mudança ameaçadora. Por exemplo, se durante a infância absorvemos a idéia de que de ser rico é ser invejado e assim menos amado, cada vez que tivermos a possibilidade de ampliar nosso patrimônio nós nos sentiremos ameaçados! Então, passaremos a criar dívidas, comprando além de nossas possibilidades, para nos sentirmos ricos, porém com os problemas já conhecidos de ser pobres. Não é fácil perceber que a traição começa em nós mesmos, pois nem nos damos conta de que estamos nos auto-sabotando!
Na auto-ilusão, tudo parece perfeito. Atribuímos ao tempo e aos outros a solução mágica de nossos problemas: com o tempo a dor de uma perda passará; seu amado irá se arrepender de ter deixado você e voltará para seus braços como se nada houvesse ocorrido. No entanto, só quando passarmos a ter consciência de nossos erros é que não seremos mais vítimas deles!
Temos uma imagem idealizada de nós mesmos, que nos impede de sermos verdadeiros. Produzimos muitas ilusões a partir desta idealização. Muitas vezes, dizemos o que não sentimos de verdade. Isso ocorre porque não sentimos o que pensamos!
Muitas vezes não queremos pensar naquilo que sentimos, pois, em geral, temos dificuldade para lidar com nossos sentimentos sem julgá-los. Sermos abertos para com nossos sentimentos demanda sinceridade e compaixão. Reconhecer que não estamos sentindo o que deveríamos sentir ou gostaríamos de estar sentindo é um desafio para conosco mesmos. Algumas de nossas auto-imagens não querem ser vistas!
É nossa auto-imagem que gera sentimentos e pensamentos em nosso íntimo. Podemos nos exercitar para identificá-la. Mas este não é um exercício fácil, pois resistimos em olhar nosso lado sombrio. No entanto, uma coisa é certa: tudo que ignoramos sobre nossa parte sombria, cresce silenciosamente e um dia será tão forte que não haverá como deter sua ação. Portanto, é a nossa auto-imagem que dita nosso destino.
O mestre do budismo tibetano Tarthang Tulku, escreve em seu livro The Self-Image (Ed. Crystal Mirror): A auto-imagem não é permanente. De fato, o sentimento em si existe, no entanto o seu poder de sustentação será totalmente perdido assim que você perder o interesse por alimentar a auto-imagem. Nesse instante, você pode ter uma experiência inteiramente diferente da que você julgou possível naquele estado anterior de dor. É tão fácil deixar a auto-imagem se perpetuar, dominar toda a sua vida e criar um estado de coisas desequilibrado... Como podemos nos envolver menos com nossa auto-imagem e nos tornar flexíveis? Somos seres humanos, não animais, e não precisamos viver como se estivéssemos enjaulados ou em cativeiro. No nível atual, antes de começarmos a meditar sobre a auto-imagem, não percebemos a diferença entre nossa auto-imagem e nosso 'eu'. Não temos um portão de acesso ou ponto de partida. Mas, se pudermos reconhecer apenas alguma pequena diferença entre a nossa auto-imagem e nós mesmos, ou 'eu' ou 'si mesmo', poderemos ver, então, qual parte é a auto-imagem.
A auto-imagem pode representar uma espécie de fixação. Ela o apanha, e você como que a congela. Você aceita essa imagem estática, congelada, como um quadro verdadeiro e permanente de si mesmo, explica Peggy Lippit no capítulo sobre Auto-Imagem do livro Reflexões sobre a mente organizado por seu mestre Tarthang Tuku (Ed. Cultrix).
Na próxima vez que você se pegar com frases prontas, aproveite para anotá-las! Elas revelam sua auto-imagem e são responsáveis por seus comportamentos repetitivos de auto-sabotagem. Ao encontrar a auto-imagem que gera sentimentos desagradáveis, temos a oportunidade de purificá-la em vez de apenas nos sentirmos mal. O processo de autoconhecimento poderá então se tornar um jogo divertido e curioso sobre nós mesmos!
I just saw myself putting me in the position of the humilliated, used guy that has never taken stand for something he wanted, a guy that never thought for what he wanted to accomplish. I diminished my life and my accomplishments and I have no idea whatsoever why.
Lately, I've been acting as if everything is wrong while if you ask me exactly what is it that is wrong, I wouldn't be able to give you an answer.
PAUSE - GOOGLE SEARCH - SELF SABOTAGE
I've always thought we weren't born to be happy, we were born to work and to survive, because poor people couldn't afford happiness.
I nevver tried to break this because I never trusted myself, never trusted that I could be good in something, always thought I was average or unworthy of the success, maybe because I grew up hearing to the fact the we weren't born for that.
And then I remember my mother taking me to places to be a singer or an actor and we could neve achieve those and my parents got so frustrated and I just thought they were thinking "won't he ever quit and just live real life?"
Actually that was how they acted with all of us 3 kids. Being a singer, a dancer or a filmmaker was a phase that would pass as soon as they felt the weight of adult responsibility on their shoulders.
As I've seen myself so unworthy of the success, my entire life would go around trying to achieve it and always getting close, but never close enough. And that has been the battle I like to fight every day.
I know what I want for my life but I grew up hearing and seeing that I wasn't good enough for it and that my life would be summed up into only trying it.
I force myself into trying and trying only. Now that things are going to change, now that I'm supposed to go back to Brazil, I wonder what is it that I should do when the steps were all clear - next stop, filmmaking. I'm avoiding the fact that the time has finally come. The time to bet on myself on my first light, the thing I named the most important of my life - filmmaking.
Leo, you've known all along, now it's time to do it... so do it. You know what camera to buy, right?
Remember this text:
A armadilha da auto-sabotagem
:: Bel Cesar ::
Há momentos da vida que reconhecemos que estamos prontos para dar um novo salto, para efetivar uma mudança profunda. Nos lançamos num novo empreendimento, numa nova relação afetiva, mudamos de cidade e até mesmo de apelido. Mas, aos poucos, nós nos pegamos fazendo os mesmos erros de nossa vida passada. É como se tivéssemos dado um grande salto para cair no mesmo buraco. Caímos em armadilhas criadas por nós mesmos. Nos auto-sabotamos. Isso ocorre porque, apesar de querermos mudar, nosso inconsciente ainda não nos permitiu mudar!
Em nosso íntimo, escutamos e obedecemos, sem nos darmos conta, ordens de nosso inconsciente geradas por frases que escutamos inúmeras vezes quando ainda éramos crianças. Toda família tem as suas. Por exemplo: Não fale com estranhos é uma clássica. Como a nossa mente foi programada para não falar com estranhos, cada vez que conhecemos uma nova pessoa nos sentimos ameaçados. Uma parte de nosso cérebro nos diz abra-se e a outra adverte cuidado.
Num primeiro momento, o desafio em si é encorajador, por isso nos atiramos em novas experiências e estamos dispostos a enfrentar os preconceitos. No entanto, quando surgem as primeiras dificuldades que fazem com que nos sintamos incapazes de lidar com esse novo empreendimento, percebemos em nós a presença desta parte inconsciente que discordava que nos arriscássemos em mudar de atitude: Bem que eu já sabia que falar com estranhos era perigoso.
Cada vez que desconfiamos de nossa capacidade de superar obstáculos, cultivamos um sentimento de covardia interior que bloqueia nossas emoções e nos paralisa. Muitas vezes, o medo da mudança é maior do que a força para mudar. Por isso, enquanto nos auto-iludirmos com soluções irreais e tivermos resistência em rever nossos erros e aprender com eles, estaremos bloqueados. Desta forma, a preguiça e o orgulho serão expressões de auto-sabotagem, isto é, de nosso medo de mudar.
Dificilmente percebemos que nos auto-sabotamos. Nós nos auto-iludimos quando não lidamos diretamente com nosso problema raiz.
A auto-ilusão é um jogo da mente que busca uma solução imediata para um conflito, ou seja, um modo de se adaptar a uma situação dolorosa, porém que não represente uma mudança ameaçadora. Por exemplo, se durante a infância absorvemos a idéia de que de ser rico é ser invejado e assim menos amado, cada vez que tivermos a possibilidade de ampliar nosso patrimônio nós nos sentiremos ameaçados! Então, passaremos a criar dívidas, comprando além de nossas possibilidades, para nos sentirmos ricos, porém com os problemas já conhecidos de ser pobres. Não é fácil perceber que a traição começa em nós mesmos, pois nem nos damos conta de que estamos nos auto-sabotando!
Na auto-ilusão, tudo parece perfeito. Atribuímos ao tempo e aos outros a solução mágica de nossos problemas: com o tempo a dor de uma perda passará; seu amado irá se arrepender de ter deixado você e voltará para seus braços como se nada houvesse ocorrido. No entanto, só quando passarmos a ter consciência de nossos erros é que não seremos mais vítimas deles!
Temos uma imagem idealizada de nós mesmos, que nos impede de sermos verdadeiros. Produzimos muitas ilusões a partir desta idealização. Muitas vezes, dizemos o que não sentimos de verdade. Isso ocorre porque não sentimos o que pensamos!
Muitas vezes não queremos pensar naquilo que sentimos, pois, em geral, temos dificuldade para lidar com nossos sentimentos sem julgá-los. Sermos abertos para com nossos sentimentos demanda sinceridade e compaixão. Reconhecer que não estamos sentindo o que deveríamos sentir ou gostaríamos de estar sentindo é um desafio para conosco mesmos. Algumas de nossas auto-imagens não querem ser vistas!
É nossa auto-imagem que gera sentimentos e pensamentos em nosso íntimo. Podemos nos exercitar para identificá-la. Mas este não é um exercício fácil, pois resistimos em olhar nosso lado sombrio. No entanto, uma coisa é certa: tudo que ignoramos sobre nossa parte sombria, cresce silenciosamente e um dia será tão forte que não haverá como deter sua ação. Portanto, é a nossa auto-imagem que dita nosso destino.
O mestre do budismo tibetano Tarthang Tulku, escreve em seu livro The Self-Image (Ed. Crystal Mirror): A auto-imagem não é permanente. De fato, o sentimento em si existe, no entanto o seu poder de sustentação será totalmente perdido assim que você perder o interesse por alimentar a auto-imagem. Nesse instante, você pode ter uma experiência inteiramente diferente da que você julgou possível naquele estado anterior de dor. É tão fácil deixar a auto-imagem se perpetuar, dominar toda a sua vida e criar um estado de coisas desequilibrado... Como podemos nos envolver menos com nossa auto-imagem e nos tornar flexíveis? Somos seres humanos, não animais, e não precisamos viver como se estivéssemos enjaulados ou em cativeiro. No nível atual, antes de começarmos a meditar sobre a auto-imagem, não percebemos a diferença entre nossa auto-imagem e nosso 'eu'. Não temos um portão de acesso ou ponto de partida. Mas, se pudermos reconhecer apenas alguma pequena diferença entre a nossa auto-imagem e nós mesmos, ou 'eu' ou 'si mesmo', poderemos ver, então, qual parte é a auto-imagem.
A auto-imagem pode representar uma espécie de fixação. Ela o apanha, e você como que a congela. Você aceita essa imagem estática, congelada, como um quadro verdadeiro e permanente de si mesmo, explica Peggy Lippit no capítulo sobre Auto-Imagem do livro Reflexões sobre a mente organizado por seu mestre Tarthang Tuku (Ed. Cultrix).
Na próxima vez que você se pegar com frases prontas, aproveite para anotá-las! Elas revelam sua auto-imagem e são responsáveis por seus comportamentos repetitivos de auto-sabotagem. Ao encontrar a auto-imagem que gera sentimentos desagradáveis, temos a oportunidade de purificá-la em vez de apenas nos sentirmos mal. O processo de autoconhecimento poderá então se tornar um jogo divertido e curioso sobre nós mesmos!
quarta-feira, 3 de outubro de 2012
Drafts of a bucket list
- Ver uma Aurora Bureal no Alaska
- Explorar um local assombrado
- Presenciar um tornado
- Ver uma baleia em alto mar
- Visitar todos os continentes
- Skydiving ou Parachutting
- Bungee Jumping
- Rafting
- Aprender espanhol, francês e outro idioma
- Esquiar na neve
- Construir um boneco de neve
- Viajar pela costa da Austrália
- Escalar um vulcão
- Visitar Oia, Santorini, Grécia
- Conhecer Charlie Kaufman e Alan Ball pessoalmente
- Visitar o castelo de Neuschwanstein
- Gravar um CD
- Vender um roteiro
- Criar e produzir uma série
- Fazer um cruzeiro
- Buy a Rorshach's mask
- Buy a Portal gun
- Buy a video camera
- See the pyramids
- Visit the existing wonders of the world
A post from June
Pride weeekend finished yesterday here in Toronto and the things I've
realized have few to do with the pride events themselves. It all comes to, of
course, self discovery.
There are these moments that solitude makes all sense in the world. The
feeling of experiencing something you knew existed but never thought you would
actually live it. Those are moments when you feel full by yourself. Moments you
get to experience personal accomplishment. it makes it feel the world is a
place to be explored. Makes you believe you are an explorer, and explorers
travel alone. They will find others and with these, they will bond. Love and
caring will be distributed among other explorers. The ones that are always
stuck, will remain as such and we will be more like devils than angels in their
lives. Makes you feel it's only the beginning of something that only you can
start.
And how easy is it to deviate from that path of discoveries and life!
Right now, we are men who are stuck. Stuck on assumptions, life styles, social
projections we try so hard to achieve. We have been living for the others in
the wrong way.
I'll state this relating it to a personal experience. As a gay guy, I
saw myself conditioned to being around the gay community all the time. Working
out, drinking alone, trying to find a special guy to have a relationship with.
What made me feel like home just turned to be a place I don't want to be a part
of.
It was like I was looking for all my life aspirations on the same place,
all the time. Of course, I do believe some day a guy would come and make it all
different, but then I started to see the amount of time and money being wasted
on this matter.
How long had I been trying to fit in, looking at others trying to find
myself? That is why I got fat in the first place. Look at others to find
myself, find whoever I wanted to be and forget about myself. forget about how
wonderful I could be if only I looked to myself. I would still go to the gym,
but I would look other activities as well. I would be and do things that are
related to who I am and I would live and experience life as I thought it would
be for myself. Not for the society, for what people thought is safe and sound.
I am spending money in beer and bars trying to find friends, love,
experiences and I has basically come to my mind that it is so stupid. You wanna
live, go do things you think you should. The places you achieve your goals are
where the best people are. People that understand what it means to live and
fight for themselves and among those people there shall be your love, your new
friends. For all of them know and understand what is like to be in an
explorer's shoes.
It sounds like I've been having to change the perspective on life,
friends, people, work, money. I had a 100% ready picture of all of them went
together. Now it seems I saw the whole picture wrong, as if there were two ways
to build this jigsaw. Right now, as I scrambble part of the pieces I put
together these old problems and old matters with new connections, as a
different bigger picture.
And I've also taken action for these interesting facts. Do the tours I
can, stay in the room but make it safe, buy what you have and want to buy.
Visit places, feel the world!
That's why the trip has been feeling bad! It hasn't even started! But now you have the feeling, the eyes you're trying to build, you seem to have been figuring things out good, so keep on going.
That's why the trip has been feeling bad! It hasn't even started! But now you have the feeling, the eyes you're trying to build, you seem to have been figuring things out good, so keep on going.
July is set as discovery month. First, a bucket list will be done, while
attractions in Toronto will be visited. If necessary, a loan will be taken with
the bank, you will also work so the loss won't be that great.
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