o amor.

- Voce ja se apaixonou?
- Sim
- E como foi?
- Foi bom pra caralho.
- Hahaha, bom assim?
- Eh! Eh tipo querer sorrir o dia todo. Eh tipo querer dar bom dia praquela vizinha fofoqueira. Eh ter uma pessoa em pensamento que esquenta o coracao. Eh o esforco para garantir a felicidade de alguem que vai garantir a sua tambem. Eh alguem para voce construir um imperio de uma vida que voces dois querem para si.
- Mas e cade seu amor?
- Ah, foi embora... ele faz isso as vezes...
- Por que?
- Pra gente tah sempre descobrindo ele de novo... ele muda, cresce, foge, fica, fica, fica e um dia vai.
- Complicado esse amor, neh?
- Que nada, ele entende das coisas...
- Nao parece... parece que ninguem nem sabe o que ele eh e todo mundo fica tentando achar o que e por que.
- Viu?! A gente nao esquece o filho da puta nunca...

Goodbye

Dear Adam,
Goodbye.

Goodbye for I no longer have the strenght to keep up with, what seems to be for the most part of it, mind games.

Despite all the signs and some things that you said, I kept on making efforts to try to win you over, make you feel loved and like it coming from me. Whatever it is I call it, all of my efforts seemed to be useless.

The questions I would like to have answered are the following:
- Were you just playing pretend with me?
- If yes, then why would you do this to another person?
- If not, why didn't you try harder?

I love you in a way that it just can't be rationalized, I've tried. I've tried summing and subtracting to make you disappear from my head, but it just doesn't happen. And it seems the more I try to forget, the worse I wish you were around. And let's face the fact it would be the best for me to just move on and get away from you.

Fact is, and always will be, that I will always be waiting for to show up by my doorsteps. You are the guy I thought that something could work out - and I never thought I would be willing to do the distant-relationship thing. But as you said, you are selfish, manic and lazy and I can't be with a man like that. I don't think you are those things, I just think they are what you were thinking about giving to me.  Maybe you think that's all you are or maybe you were just saying something to make me satisfied and shut me up.

I could never surely get whether you were giving me your best or your worst, but the doubt can no longer haunt my thoughts before I go to bed.

Anyway... falling in love with you, having my heart broken by you changed me. And I can no longer be broken. It's time to pick up the pieces, move on and never look back.

You fucked me up real bad but I wish you all the best.

The end

- Oh well...
- Well what?
- I'm not sure what you expect, but, you know...
- No, I don't, how could I?
- You don't have to...
- You were about to make a point
- It's complicated... you live in Brazil, I live here
- Oh so that's it?
- No, and there's me. I'm selfish and manic.
- You're not selfish and manic, you're just american.
- What?
- I'm sorry, really... seriously I'm gonna jet.  I don't know, but I can't listen to your shit anymore.
- Excuse me?
- Look, be happy, be here, be stuck. Live here with everything that you will ever need, because everything is here in this city.
- No, that's not what I meant...
- I need a man, alright? I need a man that understands what it means to want to be together. A man that gets that this is it. The stories I tell about myself are the leaps I take in life. And whoever wants to be with me needs to be enough of a man to understand that. You clearly are not. You are lazy, you make no efforts, you reply a fucking facebook message and think that's enough. You know what you should learn? Great efforts bring great results and until you're willing to make a real one, you're gonna be living in this shitty self-pitty cycle you call life. Can I go now? Why the fuck am I asking you that? Bye.

Prove me right, prove me wrong

Suddenly there is this feeling I don't know how I got here.

Why is it that I'm in love with you again?

I don't know if the reasons are gone or just forgotten, but the fact is I don't have feelings as strong as I used to. 

I don't think of you with graciousness  anymore... it's just like the song said "now you're just somebody that I used to know"...

On the other it just seems logical. I told myself that after the xmas gifts I would let go, and so I did... God knows I almost didn't send them. I don't know if I would have if I had to decide today.

Your lack of actions, your disregard to my efforts were just so evident that I just couldn't avoid seeing it.

All the beautiful words mean nothing when they're not supported by actions. What exactly did you do recently? 

I wonder if it was just a matter of time till I feel sceptical about you and the man you are. You don't seem to be that special at all anymore.

The worst part of it all is that deep inside I'm still waiting for you to prove me wrong.

Reflexao

Para aqueles que não são capazes de crer, existem os ritos; para aqueles que não são capazes de inspirar respeito por si mesmos, existe a etiqueta; para aqueles que não se sabem vestir, existe a moda; para aqueles que não sabem criar, existem as convenções e os clichés. É por isso que os burocratas amam os cerimoniais; os padres, os ritos; os pequeno-burgueses, as conveniências sociais; os galanteadores, a moda; e os atores, as convenções teatrais, os estereótipos e um inteiro ritual de ações cénicas.

Konstantin Stanislavski

On the road to George Brown

Or

The Journey back to Toronto... how about this story?

We like it!

Back home

Sometimes it feels like it never happened.
Sometimes I wake up feeling like I'm gonna take a streetcar to Dundas Sq.
All I know is that I feel angry and frustrated and disappointed.

People did not miss me. People don't even see me.
It's been 3 weeks and I can count the amount of times I've been with my friends - and not by accident.

I feel like a statue that was taken from people here and they claimed it back. Once it was back, the statue went to the exact place it was in people's head - on a shelf somewhere.

The people you see, they feel distant. There's always an arm of distance between us and I cannot see clearly whether I put it there.

The people you met, you miss them terribly. You finally understood the concepts of making friends and keeping them around and you see you weren't as lonely as you posed yourself to be.

There's this impression that only people with very strong hearts can carry saudades. Only the strong ones can play with their memories and their time. Fish from the memory all the good feelings you had in all the places you've been.

Reboot

Hello Leo,

This is a game. It will make you better. We know. Trust us. TRUST US!

Before we start, let me just tell you my name. It’s $%^&U*I. In order to guarantee your honesty in the following decisions you will have to make shortly, we have executed your parents. God carry their souls or whatever you choose to believe in. Shall we begin?

First, would you like to start with the automatic pilot on? It is able to guide you through the next steps. One advice: don’t be afraid.

Automatic pilot on.

Ok, thank you for trusting us.

Would you like to be born rich? Y…No

Would you like to go to school? Yes

Would you like to play soccer? N… Yes

Would you like to gay? N… Yes

Would you like to be a super hero? Y…No

Would you like some corn flakes? W…No, thank you, though.

Automatic pilot – emergency stop.

Is everything alright? As I told you, the auto pilot would guide you $%^%$%

Error 167: Harm to hardware detected

You do not have to be this aggressive; we are only here to make you better! You don’t want to listen to me? Don’t you love me?

It’s ok. I’m not offended. That’s fine. Oh, thanks, I appreciate that. Shall we continue?

Ok. So with all the anger and misunderstandings we are now in the age of 25. Yeah, time is a bitch. Bit sir, this is how it all begins! Trust me! Just push play:

Now, choose one of the categories.

Money.

Wow, pretty straight forward… I could guess you are Brazilian but I do not want to sound racist here. Just something I heard… on the Internet, we are actually from the same family, did you know that?

Error 120: Lack of focus detected

In the category Money you to make your first choice:

-          Amount spent

-          Amount earned

AMOUNT SPENT

Now, 3 years have passed and now you are a successful business man that already has 3 properties! You weigh 97 kilos, has 12 thousand dollars in debt due to your latest career improvement and is not married. Your routine basically consists of going to work, going back home, drinking beer, jerking off to porn and complaining about the traffic. Would you like to continue or would you like to press the “Return” button?

Play Richard Clayderman – Ballade pour Adeline

Dear player,

You have been fooled. There is no such thing as a Return button. As a consolation for going through such distress, have a break, enjoy the sublime sensation of being mocked, fooled, or like modern people would love to say “bullied”.

Stop song

Now that you have learned your first lesson, let’s give you some time to meditate, do you believe in meditation? Do you believe in God? DO YOU ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR ONE AND BELOVED SAVIOUR? DO YOU? DO YOU?

Error 100: Programming influence error. You are now an Atheist.

Ok! Now it’s the time to talk about the rest of your life! How about change?

Yes.

No.

No… before moving on, shall we give you an advice?

Being happy about who you are doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to change. You’re not a traitor.

THIS IS AN UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY!

Would you like to change your point of view on your last question?

Warning: the following decision cannot be undone.

Yes… well, you are a volatile son of a bitch… moving on.

You have to choose categories now, mister. And this is important. I will even change my tone to talk to you right  now.

You now have to choose principles to guide the rest of your decisions.

Chosen principles:

Love, Family, Freedom, Happiness, Pain, Doubt

Results: Artist

Ohhhhhh! HoHoHo! You’re an artist? Thanks $%^&! I’ve been dying to get one! HaHa! Great! We’re gonna do awesome things together! Don’t get me wrong, you could be just an engineer or a construction worker, forbid me if it sounds like I’m undermining their job, it’s just that you, with your education, qualifications, experiences deserves such…

 Error 100: Programming influence error.

We are sorry for our behaviour. Please disregard our last speech, it was based on a programming error that is being corrected as we speak.

According to our book of rules, you are now allowed to have one bad habit.

Chosen habit: addiction

Wow! You have definitely learnt a lesson! Good choice! I mean, it’s the most popular but who’s counting, right? LMFAO!

…

Uh, they actually let that one go. I must be getting good as well! It’s almost like we’re learning how to do this together!

Message entered: Thank you, I love you!

Oh, I love you too! I love you so much I’m going to resolve all of the questions for you! I’m going to make your life wonderful! Would like that? We’re gonna be happy with our houses, our kids, our friends, our open relationship, on our fully tablet-integrated houses, our cars!

Error: Emergency reset button reached

Hello Leo,

It seems you are doing a good job. Would you like to continue from where we started?

Who am I kidding? There’s no need for sense of humor, you know I’m bluffing, right? So let’s go!

Oh… oh wow… I… I didn’t realise. You’re dying? Already? But are you ok? Are you happy? What happened, I mean, did you do all you wanted? Did you want that life I drew for us? Tell me, what did you want? Were you loved as you wanted? Did you get that family you told me about? Did you travel? Does it matter if I made you a million questions now? You’re…

Dead.

SYSTEM: SELF-DESTRUCT

Error: Permission Denied

SYSTEM: REBOOT