Goodbye

Dear Adam,
Goodbye.

Goodbye for I no longer have the strenght to keep up with, what seems to be for the most part of it, mind games.

Despite all the signs and some things that you said, I kept on making efforts to try to win you over, make you feel loved and like it coming from me. Whatever it is I call it, all of my efforts seemed to be useless.

The questions I would like to have answered are the following:
- Were you just playing pretend with me?
- If yes, then why would you do this to another person?
- If not, why didn't you try harder?

I love you in a way that it just can't be rationalized, I've tried. I've tried summing and subtracting to make you disappear from my head, but it just doesn't happen. And it seems the more I try to forget, the worse I wish you were around. And let's face the fact it would be the best for me to just move on and get away from you.

Fact is, and always will be, that I will always be waiting for to show up by my doorsteps. You are the guy I thought that something could work out - and I never thought I would be willing to do the distant-relationship thing. But as you said, you are selfish, manic and lazy and I can't be with a man like that. I don't think you are those things, I just think they are what you were thinking about giving to me.  Maybe you think that's all you are or maybe you were just saying something to make me satisfied and shut me up.

I could never surely get whether you were giving me your best or your worst, but the doubt can no longer haunt my thoughts before I go to bed.

Anyway... falling in love with you, having my heart broken by you changed me. And I can no longer be broken. It's time to pick up the pieces, move on and never look back.

You fucked me up real bad but I wish you all the best.