Reboot

Hello Leo,

This is a game. It will make you better. We know. Trust us. TRUST US!

Before we start, let me just tell you my name. It’s $%^&U*I. In order to guarantee your honesty in the following decisions you will have to make shortly, we have executed your parents. God carry their souls or whatever you choose to believe in. Shall we begin?

First, would you like to start with the automatic pilot on? It is able to guide you through the next steps. One advice: don’t be afraid.

Automatic pilot on.

Ok, thank you for trusting us.

Would you like to be born rich? Y…No

Would you like to go to school? Yes

Would you like to play soccer? N… Yes

Would you like to gay? N… Yes

Would you like to be a super hero? Y…No

Would you like some corn flakes? W…No, thank you, though.

Automatic pilot – emergency stop.

Is everything alright? As I told you, the auto pilot would guide you $%^%$%

Error 167: Harm to hardware detected

You do not have to be this aggressive; we are only here to make you better! You don’t want to listen to me? Don’t you love me?

It’s ok. I’m not offended. That’s fine. Oh, thanks, I appreciate that. Shall we continue?

Ok. So with all the anger and misunderstandings we are now in the age of 25. Yeah, time is a bitch. Bit sir, this is how it all begins! Trust me! Just push play:

Now, choose one of the categories.

Money.

Wow, pretty straight forward… I could guess you are Brazilian but I do not want to sound racist here. Just something I heard… on the Internet, we are actually from the same family, did you know that?

Error 120: Lack of focus detected

In the category Money you to make your first choice:

-          Amount spent

-          Amount earned

AMOUNT SPENT

Now, 3 years have passed and now you are a successful business man that already has 3 properties! You weigh 97 kilos, has 12 thousand dollars in debt due to your latest career improvement and is not married. Your routine basically consists of going to work, going back home, drinking beer, jerking off to porn and complaining about the traffic. Would you like to continue or would you like to press the “Return” button?

Play Richard Clayderman – Ballade pour Adeline

Dear player,

You have been fooled. There is no such thing as a Return button. As a consolation for going through such distress, have a break, enjoy the sublime sensation of being mocked, fooled, or like modern people would love to say “bullied”.

Stop song

Now that you have learned your first lesson, let’s give you some time to meditate, do you believe in meditation? Do you believe in God? DO YOU ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR ONE AND BELOVED SAVIOUR? DO YOU? DO YOU?

Error 100: Programming influence error. You are now an Atheist.

Ok! Now it’s the time to talk about the rest of your life! How about change?

Yes.

No.

No… before moving on, shall we give you an advice?

Being happy about who you are doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to change. You’re not a traitor.

THIS IS AN UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY!

Would you like to change your point of view on your last question?

Warning: the following decision cannot be undone.

Yes… well, you are a volatile son of a bitch… moving on.

You have to choose categories now, mister. And this is important. I will even change my tone to talk to you right  now.

You now have to choose principles to guide the rest of your decisions.

Chosen principles:

Love, Family, Freedom, Happiness, Pain, Doubt

Results: Artist

Ohhhhhh! HoHoHo! You’re an artist? Thanks $%^&! I’ve been dying to get one! HaHa! Great! We’re gonna do awesome things together! Don’t get me wrong, you could be just an engineer or a construction worker, forbid me if it sounds like I’m undermining their job, it’s just that you, with your education, qualifications, experiences deserves such…

 Error 100: Programming influence error.

We are sorry for our behaviour. Please disregard our last speech, it was based on a programming error that is being corrected as we speak.

According to our book of rules, you are now allowed to have one bad habit.

Chosen habit: addiction

Wow! You have definitely learnt a lesson! Good choice! I mean, it’s the most popular but who’s counting, right? LMFAO!

…

Uh, they actually let that one go. I must be getting good as well! It’s almost like we’re learning how to do this together!

Message entered: Thank you, I love you!

Oh, I love you too! I love you so much I’m going to resolve all of the questions for you! I’m going to make your life wonderful! Would like that? We’re gonna be happy with our houses, our kids, our friends, our open relationship, on our fully tablet-integrated houses, our cars!

Error: Emergency reset button reached

Hello Leo,

It seems you are doing a good job. Would you like to continue from where we started?

Who am I kidding? There’s no need for sense of humor, you know I’m bluffing, right? So let’s go!

Oh… oh wow… I… I didn’t realise. You’re dying? Already? But are you ok? Are you happy? What happened, I mean, did you do all you wanted? Did you want that life I drew for us? Tell me, what did you want? Were you loved as you wanted? Did you get that family you told me about? Did you travel? Does it matter if I made you a million questions now? You’re…

Dead.

SYSTEM: SELF-DESTRUCT

Error: Permission Denied

SYSTEM: REBOOT