Appearance

The minute I opened the door, I don’t even remember what is it that was happening before I touched that door knob. There he was.

Wearing his shorts and shirt from the last time I saw him. But it seems that now he’d learned how to tie a knot. He just had a backpack with him, and that look in his eyes. The eyes of someone who is so happy for his intentions on making such a surprise.

At first I felt my surprise would turn out to become this huge excitement and that loving feeling I had for him in those first days, but no. Instead, there was this awkwardness and this thought that I know was terrible for him but didn’t sound anything but natural to me: “this has gone way too far”.

How is that he just came way from Toronto to visit without saying a word? Why is that a person would do that? Even the fact that I questioned his intentions made me wonder exactly what is it that I had done to lead him into believing I actually had long lasting feelings for him.

The guilt I felt for leading him in and now, just watching him on my porch was way too much: I cried. And that was the worst thing that I could ever have done. Because in that moment I saw his face change. His loving eyes turned into this questioning look of someone who had realized exactly what was going on:

-          You didn’t want me to come – he said.