Free Spirit

I don't know how common this will be for humanity, but this is what happened to me. When I grew up, all was done. I don't know if you ever faced that feeling that no matter what you did, your life was going to be unoriginal.  If you wanted to get drunk in Las Vegas someone had already done it, if you wanted to drink a cosmopolitan in NYC it had already been done, if you wanted to go against all society's values and live in the wild, it had been done... most of them even put in films, so we could be constantly reminded that there was no space for new things. And then, the biggest problem of them all I suppose, was the fact that our parents knew a lot of olds and projected a perfect path for us to follow.
Let me tell you about me: school told me how I was supposed to act as a student, my first job taught me how to be more and more responsible, University taught me how to be corporate, my other jobs taught me how to care about careers and employment. All my life I've been taught how to act, how to procede, how to live. I had to fill these little boxes of achievements to prove I was someone. But what are achievements with no identity to them? What meant a job in a great company if you didn't want to have started that career in the first place?
I wasn't taught on life, I was taught on how to live - job, career, apartment or house, beach club... that was life. And now, later in life I wonder: but what it is for after all? It was so true that I had no identity that I knew I could easily be the teacher, the public relations, the great student but I could never be myself socially. I have no idea of who I am, for I have never been who I am in my core. I've always been a better version, an adaptation of me. A likeable me. And when adult life hits you, the reality of it comes like a tsunami. It washes away everything you ever believed in. When you feel the weight of the responsibilities and the amount of time you consume concerning about them and you have to stop everything. Because it is not fun making money for your rent, transportation, food. I can say it is anything but I'm damn sure it isn't fun.
It isn't fun to think about the necessity to care about where I'm going to live, when I'm going to buy a house, whom I am going to get married to, how am I going to be able to support myself? All of those are obligations that were right here before we came, we had no choice. So we followed them. I don't know, there must be so many people happy with this path, but not me. Me, I'm starting to get scared of myself. Who I am becoming. I feel myself as a spirit that has been being set free. A wild one. I don't think I'll be able to just sit around and see myself live as the worst version of myself for my soul and the best for my pocket.
Just today I read a text about how loneliness can be bad for your health, and how a bad matress jeopardizes your back and your sleep, and how a bad nice of sleep can cause a lot of stress, and the stress of the so-called Quarterlife crysis... and then I thought about people that have been dying of cancer, and all other kinds of stuff. I read about people worrying about death and making life enjoyably safe. I see people filling their times with useless concerns, refusing the experimental pleasure, accepting conditions and problems... I daily watch people drag their bodies to places to do things someone told them they should be doing in order to make their lives worth living. I see no heart, no passion, no authenticity. All I see are repetitions of a lost species that ended up taking itself too seriously.