Devotion

1.
Insensatez was playing on that bar that night. He looked at her laughing and wished he could see that smile for the rest of his life. The way she shook her hips to the sound of the music - he wanted to see that shaking by the beach, while they drank their caipirinhas and talked about life and made love to each other.
She looked at him and saw nothing: just another city worker, unimportant, a guy. He didn't look like he had a good job, he didn't seem to be there for anything else but to have fun and be in the middle of that energy. She saw the way he looked at her when she danced and she liked it. She wasn't an object of desire, but reason for devotion. There was desire, passion, compassion, sympathy, friendship. She wondered how it was even possible to see through a person with such ease. As if he had nothing to hide and a beautiful smile to show that she got aware of once she realized she was starring and he was smiling, walking towards her.

2.
She looked dead. Her eyes just starred at the other side of the seat, while she was just laying down. He looked at her and didn't know what to do.
She just felt electricity running through her body and she knew it was pain. She didn't know how much longer she could take it, how much longer he would stick around watching her die slowly.Nevertheless, she felt happy she wasn't diyng alone.
A tear run down her face, and he couldn't bare the thought that she was in so much pain and there was nothing he could do to make it go away. He tried to aim lower, now he just wanted to make her smile.
- A insensatez, que voce fez, coracao mais sem cuidado...
He started to sing. Her eyes moved. He didn't stop.

3.
- What the fuck is wrong with you?!
- Go fuck yourself, just get out of the house!
- I'm not going anywhere! What's going on?
- My mom is moving in.
- Your mom? What the hell?
- You can just go.
- Why would I go?
- Because there might be no trips to Europe, I might not be able to be jealous of you, I might not be able to go through crisis, because I won't bother to. I will not care about it!
- So?
- I have multiple sclerosis.
- You what?

4.
When he finished singing the song for the first time, they had only been driving for 10 minutes and there were at least 20 more until they got to the hospital so he kept on singing songs that reminded them of the good days. All of the songs they sang when life was so complicated with rent, transportation, groceries, bills, goals, achievements, dreams.
He remembered the time when they were at the peak of life - they would go as high as they thought they should or could, and then there was just a fall towards death. Everything was at stake in those years of their lives, they had to make money, buy houses, get married, everything was in a rush. Oh, those ridiculous times.

5.
No one really understood what was going to happen, how it would happen, how fast, how painfull. There was only the certainty that they knew what life was. The sense of hope vanished, they were sure life was hard.
He didn't know what to care about. If it was money for the treatment, time to keep her company. Nothing made sense at that point. The thought of walking away just made him mad. He wondered what was his career worth, the TV they got together, the furniture. Everything just seemed so small and all of the sudden there was just him in the world. And he questioned who was it that he had become, because he felt he didn't know him anymore.
She gave up. Not on life itself, but the obligations from it. There would be no more obligations for her but to be happy. She would find a way to get that house, to live that life she pictured herself living when she was 5 years old. She felt as if she wasn't even part of this world anymore. People's problems seemed nothing, people meant nothing... not all people. There was him. She felt like she could stay living that weekend at the beach forever. The drinks, the talks, the sex. Life was so perfect when there was only the two of them. She knew she couldn't be away from him anymore, and yet she couldn't ask because it would be unfair.
And in all of his thoughts trying to find the slight sense of himself, all he thought about was her. Paying the rent wouldn't be worth it without her under his roof, sex wouldn't be exciting without her body, her moaning and her adventurous spirit that made them have sex under the waterfall. He didn't know if there would be anyone that could make him sleep so peacefully at night if not her. He didn't want to try. And yet, she was slipping away from him, she was leaving... and she could just decide to go whenever she wanted.
That night they didn't make love because both of them had nothing to rely on but their trust in each other and it was scary, and they knew. So they just held each other as hard as they could.

6.
They arrived at the hospital and he turned the car off calmly.
He got off the car, opened the back seat and put her on his arms. He knew she felt incredible pain with every single move he made and once again he felt there was nothing he could do.
- Se voce disser que eu desafino amor...
He started dancing, slowly, carefully, gently, singing without missing a note, a word. He moved his feet softly, and whispered the song in her ears. He danced their way throughout the Hospital's lobby until someone got her a bed and people just took her away.
She felt painfully happy. Her body wasn't responding, but her mind was filled with joy. She felt his arms and could almost touch his devotion. He was there, she was there and that was their life. Pain could come along, there would always be a song to be sung.